Birthday Plans

Its my birthday in a couple of weeks, to celebrate I've decided I want either: a monkey knife fight or a reinactment of the Holocaust.

Filth?

I found the following somewhere on my travels about the interweb, I find it funny, but I'd laugh at an abortion:

10/25/2004 4:58:57 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. YOU BETTER START PRACTICING WITH 2 LITER COKE BOTTLES BEFORE YOU RECEIVE MY EXUBERANT EPIDERMAL CORDAGE. MY AMPLE HEAD TEEMING WITH MAN HOOCH IS SO COLOSSAL THAT GOD TRIPS OVER IT. I GUARANTEE IT.

.
10/25/2004 4:52:59 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. ASHLEE, I'D LIKE TO BEAT YOUR CHEST WITH MY ENORMOUSLY HEAVY, THROBBING PELVIC CROCODILE UNTIL I GEYSER A HUGE WATERFALL OF STICKY BABY DRESSING ON YOUR FACE. I'LL MOP IT UP WITH MY THICK HEAD AND SLAP IT ON YOUR LIPS SO THEY DON'T CHAP. YOU'LL CUM SO HARD YOUR DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBORS WILL NEED TO CHANGE THEIR SHEETS. I GUARANTEE IT.

.
10/25/2004 4:49:32 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER

SHE'S GOT THAT ENORMOUSE JAY LENO JAW WHICH MOST PEOPLE DON'T FIND ATTRACTIVE BUT THAT LARGE JAW ALLOWS ME TO CRAM EVERY FAT INCH OF MY GROIN EGGPLANT DOWN HER THROAT WHILE TEARS STREAM DOWN HER FACE AS SHE TRIES TO LIPSYNCH THE NATIONAL ANTHEM. IF SHE BLACKS OUT, I JUST FLIP ON SPORTSCENTER AND CRACK OPEN A PABST ON HER BUCK TEETH. I GUARANTEE IT.

.
10/25/2004 4:47:20 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE ASHLEE OUT FOR A PICNIC IN A PARK, LIE HER DOWN COMPLETELY FLAT ON THE PICNIC BLANKET, BALANCE A PABST ON HER BACK, AND RIGOROUSLY VIOLATE HER FROM BEHIND - QUIZZING HER ON BASIC GEOMETRY IN SWEDISH WHILE SHE HAS A MOUTFUL OF A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH AND ANTS CRAWLING INTO HER ARMPITS. SHE WILL CUM SO HARD HER FACE WILL MELT LIKE THAT NAZI ASS IN RAIDERS. I GUARANTEE IT.

CUNT
10/25/2004 4:45:12 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER

HI.. I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. AND I WANT TO BEND YOU OVER A PING-PONG TABLE AND FORCE YOU TO READ HARPER'S BIZAAR WHILE I VIOLATE A SERIES OF YOUR ORAFICES. I'LL COUNT EACH PLUNGE OF MY INVADER IN GREEK. YOU'LL COME SO HARD YOUR NOSE RING WILL MAGNETIZE. I GUARANTEE IT.


GEORGE ZIMMER LIVES
10/25/2004 4:43:09 AM - by GEORGE_ZIMMER

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. ASHLEE, BABY, I WILL BLOW LIKE A SHOTGUN THROUGH YOUR UTERUS. IT'LL SHOOT OUT YOUR EARS BEFORE YOU CAN SAY BEEF JERKY. MY COCK SHOULD BE DOING PILE DRIVERS ON YOUR TONSILS WHILE YOU HUM MOZART'S MAGIC FLUTE. YOU'D GET SO SOGGY WET WE'D NEED A MOP. I GUARANTEE IT.

Tommy the cat is my name, and I say unto thee...

Greetings foul denzins of the interweb, another piece of liter-rhoea is ejected from my mind in a warm brown splosh. On the subject of blogs I suggest you read this as its quite amusing. I suggest you check out the rest of the site, its quite amusing. If somewhat tastless, which is exactly how I like my humour. Black and sweet, with whiskey and a bun.

Onto other things. Today I got paid, which is nice since I didn't work for the entire month. Muahahaha, but it means that I have to really get my act together and get a job of some description before I end up like the jobbless hobo I already am.

I spent most of the week listening to a disturbing amount of Kiss, why? because they're cooler than widows libido. More interestingly I heard a Queen tribute album, to be honest its crap, seriously crap, crapper than cot death. I speak the truth. When the best song is by Sum 41 you know things have taken a step into the weird. Even the presence of Josh 'All I touch is Gold' Homme on Stone Cold Crazy can't save it, if fact it makes the album seem even worse.

My wireless mouse has desided to go on the blink, fucking technology. Looks like I have to revent to the back-up, uh, wired mouse. Which just feels wrong after so long with the Star Trek mouse.

Ah, time for a meme,

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the sentence in your journal...along with these instructions.

Ok....go!

1. Dalek Survival Guide
2. Turning the pages, so....many...the whiteness...burning...
3. One, two, five, ah three...
4. Ah, the 23rd page is a chapter break, the 22 page has four lines, so page 24 says, 'The Dalek's eye is mounted on a shaft that allows vertical movement.'

Ugh, that was tedious. I think before my next post I'm actually gonna pick a topic or theme to keep up with this blog as its quite boring typing aboout my boring life.

Or I could just post porno links.

Till the next time,

'By your command'

Unconscious Mutterings

A Blog Meme, whatever next. Just some free association.

1. Tolerate:: Fools
   
2. Release:: Me from this mortal coil
   
3. My soul:: is dead
   
4. Sax:: amophone
   
5. HP:: Lovecraft
   
6. Worth:: less
   
7. Rockstar:: I wish
   
8. Terrify:: Spiders, not the ones from Mars
   
9. Knock me off my feet:: Ow
   
10. Taunt:: tired
    

Is this the way to harm a brillo?

I'm lazy, I know. I've still no job and am having the inital pangs of panic and self doubt that come from having no foreseeable income. But heyho, it could be worse.

Things!! Things have happened, are going to have happened and are probably happening right about now. More specifically my Dad has moved in with us here in not-so-sunny-but-fooking-sweltering Galway. He has started working again and needs a place in Galway to stay, the rest is logic.

I saw/met Dylan Moran last week, which was good. Aside from the sickening heat it was a good night, interspliced with humour and beer. A winning combo I think you'll agree.

I also went to Tullamore and got tanned by the tanning sun tan thing. I suddenly discovered i had a huge amount of empathy for those guys in 'Ice Cold In Alex', I would have murdered for a pint of Carlsberg.

Started watching the new 'Battlestar Galactica' series and find that it is fantastic. I was awfully fond of the original series, despite its cheesey cheeseness, it always had a softspot in my heart. When I heard of a 're-imagining' I didn't hold out much hope and put off watching it so I could be cynical and dismissive. But, alas its great, just accept it for what it is and revel in the drama.

Till we meet again Scaramanga. Bye!